© 2022 Rachel L. Shumate | All rights reserved.
Is it me, or do you notice the F word being flung about all willy-nilly on the regular? “Fat.” I hate that word. How about you? I personally find it way more offensive than the f-bomb. It’s a word that plants a seed of low self-esteem and doubt no matter how it’s used. And like a stubborn weed, it’s hard to get rid of.
Case in point: This evening, I found Olivia in the back room messing around on the weight machine. I asked what she was doing and she told me simply, “I’m trying to exercise to make me less fat.” I almost cried right there on the spot. She’s freaking eight years old…! I immediately stopped what I was doing and we had a heart to heart. We talked about loving yourself and being healthy and so forth. We also made a plan to get HEALTHIER together. Because goodness knows I could use a workout buddy – I struggle with weight too (thanks genetics, tasty food, and yeah… mostly poor self-control).
It’s summer and school’s out, so I have a hunch this new awareness of her body probably came from the adults in her life (not a random mean kid) and I pray that I didn’t contribute. I seriously try sooooo hard to model good body image, and I removed the F word from my vocabulary long ago. (Still referring to the word “fat” – I make no promises about the other F word when children aren’t around, haha.) Like, I try REALLY hard. I am ultra-aware of how words and actions are picked up by those around us (and our subconscious for that matter). I also realize that adults are the worst for thinking our kids aren’t paying attention (probably because we have to ask them to do something at least five times before they listen), but they most certainly hear us when we aren’t talking directly to them. And of course, our actions are louder than words. (I swear, kids are like ninjas when it comes to picking up all our bad traits and habits.)
Sigh… I’m just sad, and tired of all the body shaming in our culture. It’s so prevalent that we don’t even notice it anymore. It’s engrained into our daily lives. It shows up on TV, in magazines, on the internet, in our inner circles, in our conversations, and in our thoughts. Am I right? I’m not deaf to the negative noise either. It seeps in and gets in our heads and makes us feel less-than. And it’s messed up.
I mean, who decided we all had to be so dang “perfect” anyway? My jaw actually dropped the last time I took Olivia to the Orthodontist (per the dentist’s recommendation) to see if she might need braces. Since putting them on now wouldn’t prevent her from needing them later, and because she didn’t want them, we opted to wait and see how things progressed. The orthodontist actually told me, in front of Olivia, that when she gets more “self-aware” she might want braces before then. Um, what the heck? Why can’t she just love herself the way she is? I personally think she has a beautiful smile. It lights my world up every time I see it.
For that matter, why can’t we all just show ourselves some love? Seriously, you deserve love and should to talk to yourself with kindness too. (That is, if you don’t already, but I bet a friendly reminder wouldn’t hurt). Do me a little favor… Go look in the mirror and tell yourself how amazing you are. Talk about all of your accomplishments (big, small, tiny, and mighty). Talk about how BEAUTIFUL you are (inside and out). Smile like hell, and say: I know!! Talk about all of your awesome traits: how you’re brilliant, kind, smart, resilient, funny, creative, giving, intuitive, hardworking, silly, fun, etc. (This is a great exercise for kiddos too, by the way.) And several times a day try repeating this to yourself: I am healthy, vibrant, happy, and beautiful! Because you are amazing. Believe it with me. Let’s show ourselves some dang LOVE, and in turn, show the world how it’s done.
And I promise I’ll do it too.
PS: I wrote this post on my phone while I cried in the bathroom… I cried for my daughter, for myself, and for every person who has ever felt like “not enough.” And I wrote it because I figured we could all use a pep talk. xo
PPS: The featured image is actually a photograph I’ve been meaning to create for some time, and I thought it paired perfectly with this post. My daughter witnessed me taking said self-portrait, and told me more than once how weird I was, haha! I told her, “I know; thank you.”
