© 2023 Rachel L. Shumate | All rights reserved.
I suppose normal people have a train of thought that chugs along in a straight line. Mine, on the other hand, looks more like a rollercoaster with lots of loops, sharp turns and a sporadic layout. And probably the conductor, and anyone along for the ride, scream in terror for the duration of the trip. And this is precisely why I shouldn’t think out loud. It’s also one of the many reasons my hubby swears he could make a fortune as a standup comedian by simply recounting what life is like living with me. The following story only supports his theory. The scenario went something like this…
Kendall and I were relaxing in our favorite recliners, as is our evening ritual, and I was sipping my “hippie tea” (no; it’s not laced with anything either!). Olivia, not relishing the chore I’d just tasked her with, made a disgruntled noise from the other room. Kendall teasing, commented that she sounded like a wounded elephant.
I said, “Hmmm… more like a moose.” Then I paused and said, “Though I don’t actually know what either sounds like.” Kendall looked at me incredulously, his face showing the building sarcasm that he was about to spout out. He asked how on earth I didn’t know what they sounded like. I retorted that sure, I’d been to the zoo and seen elephants (happy, healthy ones mind you), but I’d never been to Alaska or ever seen a moose. And then I proceeded to mull over (out loud) if I’d gotten the habitat of the moose correctly (I know those suckers are in a lot of places), and whether or not it was moose or mooses, but that I was pretty sure it was moose (because it’s like deer).
When I was finally finished with my ramblings, Kendall laughed and asked, “Do you hear yourself…?!?!” He also stated that he wished he’d had the last 10 minutes on video because he’d make millions. I attempted to come up with a dignified response, but instead, I simply laughed my ass off.
I might add that this college educated, daughter of a PHD in English, and of a former National Park Ranger, also proceeded to Google to make sure that I was correct in my calling them moose and not mooses… What did we ever do before Google? Oh right, we had to go to the library.
I’m kinda glad Kendall did NOT get my ridiculous randomness on camera. However, since he found the whole scenario quite amusing, I thought it would be fun to share because it might possibly make you laugh – maybe even as hard as I did. (Probably I should have warned you to go pee before reading this…)
PS: Kendall also asked if I had one of those “see ‘n say” toys as a child. You know, the toy with the arrow and string you pull and it makes animal noises… (Yeah, I’m that old.) I told him that I had several, that they never had a moose on them, and that he was a smart ass.
PPS: I decided to buy a see ‘n say so I could take a picture of it for this post, and later donate it. And get this, I thought it was broken. (It wasn’t!) I kept pulling the string and wondering why the arrow wasn’t landing on the animal that went with the sound. It took me a few pulls to realize that it STARTS by pointing to the animal and then making the corresponding noise, not the other way around. I admit that this wasn’t my proudest moment, and I swear I’m not an idiot. (Even if I did just get bested by a baby toy!) I don’t think I’ll mention this part to Kendall… Bahaha!
🙂
