Why Beauty (Expectations) Can Be a Beast…

a lay flat image of a bunch of beauty products piled together

As I stood waiting for my tween to decide on her next unnecessary purchase, I gawked at the rows and rows of beauty products stacked neatly on shelves spanning the 7,000 square foot store. And I marveled at the sheer volume of cosmetic crap. We were in our local Ulta; not for the first time, and sadly I’m sure, not for the last. If you’re a parent of a tween or teen, you already know that the obsession with beauty products has come very early to this generation. What the heck does an 11-year-old with a flawless face, need with a skin care routine? Thankfully, Olivia realized early on that she’s better off not putting extra gunk on her skin, but she still loves an occasional peel off mask, sugar scrub, lotion, hair clips, and so forth.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for some self-care. I just feel that this can be a slippery slope. At the moment, I’m happy to report that Olivia only thinks the products she’s buying (I’m certainly not paying for it) are simply for fun. Recently, Olivia asked if she could start shaving her legs and my husband was totally against it, saying that she was only 11! I told her she could. (I think I was 12 when I started shaving.) And I explained to my hubby why it didn’t bother me. Oliva didn’t want to shave her legs because she cared what anyone else thought (not her friends and especially not boys). No… she wanted to shave for the sole reason of wanting to use a fancy aftershave serum. Personally, I thought that was pretty freaking awesome. I am so thankful that my daughter doesn’t give a flying fig about what other people think. Nope, she’s in it for the self-care and doing things that make HER happy. I pray she takes that attitude with her into middle school…

I also pray that you, and everyone reading this, let’s that message hit home. Because for me, every time I get towed into Ulta, or any other beauty store, I inwardly cringe at all the vials, sprays, ointments, etc. because to me it seems that these overstocked shelves practically scream, “you’re not enough! – and here are a million different ways to try and fix that.” And I worry that my daughter will soon pick up on that too. Of course, our entire society sings this same tune. We’re pummeled with the message of not being enough numerous times, every single day. It’s engrained in all the content we consume, our culture, marketing, and through subtle undertones. Think about it… Nearly every commercial you see is telling you that you need to fix something about yourself, and of course, they have just the merchandise to help. Everything that is being sold to you is basically marketed on the premise that you’re not good enough the way you are – not your weight, wrinkles, grey hair, style of clothes, health, pet care, comfort of your home, the excitement of your vacations (or lack thereof), your cooking, etc.

I’ve said many times that we’re all a work in progress (as we should be); however, please give no one permission to make you feel “less-than.” Sure, absolutely take good care of yourself, learn, grow, and have goals, but do so because YOU want to, not because society tells you how to be. Learn to love yourself. I know it’s a pretty novel idea… But what if we just loved ourselves the way we are? Showed ourselves some compassion and understanding as we figure this whole “life” thing out? And what if we appreciated what we already have? Can you imagine what that might be like? And just think, if this became the norm… Whole industries would crumble. Why? Because they make bank off of our insecurities, and our horrible tendencies to compare ourselves to others.

So, today I encourage you to love who you are! Embrace your whole dang self (the good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly). You are perfectly imperfect. And yes, please still do your self-care routines if they make you happy. I’m merely asking you to notice and question the motives behind your actions and purchases. And always, always remember that you are amazing!

In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.

~ Caroline Caldwell

PS: Fun fact… Did you know that e.l.f. Beauty is 1 of 4 publicly traded companies whose board members include women and a diverse representation? By the way, that’s 4 out of a total of 4,429 companies. How sad is that ratio? I find it interesting that most beauty companies (who market to women) are led primarily by men. Also, e.l.f. avoids ingredients such as parabens, phthalates, and sulfates in their formulas; and are proud to be cruelty-free and vegan. – Not a plug; I just like their diversity and brand.

PPS: Can you guess which 7 items are mine in the featured image? The rest are all Olivia’s! (Sigh, I’m still trying to teach her about overconsumption…)

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