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So… I’m feeling extra old lately… I recently went to the chiropractor at the recommendation of my family practitioner. Did you know that you can get a medical massage??? I was delighted to learn this, and it was both wonderful and a little painful. (Apparently, it’s a mix between a deep tissue and a Swedish massage.) While chatting with the massage therapist, I was acutely aware how much younger she was than myself; maybe somewhere in her early 20s guessing by our conversation and her appearance. Not a bad thing, just something I happened to notice.
After the massage, I had an adjustment. As I was waiting on the chiropractor, I saw him walk down the hallway, and… I’m not proud of this, but I actually thought to myself, “crap, he’s really young! I would feel more comfortable with someone who’s been out of school longer…” (Not nice, or a fair assessment at all because he was good at his job – though also kinda painful, but that’s to be expected.) I’m guessing he was probably in his early thirties. So, when he told me my right hip was higher than my left, I immediately thought of the Friends episode where Rachel talks about going to the chiropractor because her one leg is shorter than the other. I had to keep my laughter to myself though because I realized that he probably wasn’t old enough to know what Friends is, and I figured it would be weird to try and explain. I didn’t want to be old AND senile…
As I got in my car, I mused to myself… “Damn, I feel old. And – sweet mercy I need a shower!” Between the massage oil and the stinky bio freeze crap, I felt like a giant ball of greasy grossness!
Then a mere two days later, I found myself in another doctor’s office waiting room. (All these wellness checkups are exhausting.) As is customary, they had a TV on, and the channel of choice was playing an episode of The Drew Berrymore Show. I glanced up and heard Drew say something like, “Next up we’re going to talk about…” And I thought she said “ruffles” so my mind immediately went to potato chips (go figure), and I wondered how they managed a spotlight on her show. Then Drew said that they were “very popular now,” and I thought, well, maybe she’s talking about ruffles on clothing. So, I started paying closer attention because: first, that’s odd, and second, I hadn’t noticed that ruffles were in fashion. But the word was not “ruffles” at all. What she actually said was “throuples” and I was like, huh???
If you’re new to this term too, I’ll save you the Google search. A throuple is three people dating each other all at once. I’ll go ahead and say that if that’s your thing, more power to ya. But my old ass was like, that sounds horrible! I mean, romantic logistics aside, I can’t even fathom how hard three people together would be – two in a relationship is hard enough! Can you imagine how long it takes three people to figure out what restaurant to go to?! (“I don’t know; where do you wanna go?”)
When I got home and reported this new, rather unorthodox, trend to my husband, he asked if this was me hinting around that I wanted an additional person in our marriage. (Smart ass.) I assured him that he was already more than I could tolerate, ha. A husband and one kid are all that I can handle, thank you very much!
So yeah… I’m feeling kinda old all the sudden… I’ve evidently reached the age where everyone seems younger than me, and I’m baffled by what I see on television. Not to mention, I fuss about how everything’s gone up in price, and I want to learn to knit… Oh sweet mercy…! I should be ready for my walker and TV dinners any day now. Maybe I’ll start calling everyone “honey.” Just kidding. That’s not happening.
PS: My “old” back felt amazing the day after going to the chiropractor. I highly recommend it. Not gonna lie, it’s a little unnerving because it sounds like you’re being broken in half, but it does do wonders.
PPS: I couldn’t figure out what kind of image should accompany this post. I needed something funny that gave an “old vibe.” I finally decided to feature me with a Readers Digest because I remember both my grandmothers loving the magazine, and figured it was a favorite of the older generation. And now I have an $8 magazine I’ll never read…
🙂
