© 2024 Rachel L. Shumate | All rights reserved.
Warning… Do not read this post around children – or while eating or drinking anything. 😉
You know how Kendall tells me all the time that he could make millions as a stand-up comedian recounting life with me? Well, I’ve decided to share some recent ridiculousness with you because it will undoubtedly give you a good laugh. The absurdities went a little something like this…
My aunt, cousin, mom, and I were all sitting around the living room chatting. And for some morbid reason, the topic of doctor appointments came up; which prompted me to announce that I had an appointment to get a mammogram, and that I was actually excited about it. My cousin turned and looked at me incredulously, and asked if I knew what the hell the procedure even entailed!! I did; but no one was really prepared for my WHY… I went into a convoluted explanation that had my family positively roaring with laughter and in danger of peeing on themselves (because most of us are moms, and that’s life).
My reasoning… Some time back, I was in a gift shop in Tennessee and purchased this super cute cat sticker. (I have a thing for stickers!) When I got home, I was getting ready to put it on my journal, and realized that it was um… rather inappropriate… The wording on top of the cute cat says, “Show me your kitties.” (Sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake…) Since I’m not a lesbian, and I don’t care to see any “kitties” but my own, or anyone else’s naked body parts for that matter, I decided not to stick it on my journal after all, and thankfully never thought to stick it on my car. (Can you imagine? I’d be driving down the road getting flashed and not know why.) Unfortunately, I don’t have any gay friends either, so I was sort of at a loss as to what to do with this silly five-dollar sticker. I didn’t want to just throw it away. Then, I happily realized that I could give it to the mammographer when I went for my appointment because surely, they would appreciate the humor! So, yes; I was pretty psyched about my scheduled mammogram.
After my explanation, my family absolutely lost it!!! I had to go retrieve the sticker from my journal (where it remained tucked in the pages) so they could lay eyes on this infamous purchase. There were debates on what “kitties” was referring to, hand gestures and lewd comments abounded, and a meme of The Lion King was pulled up on my cousin’s phone. Hell, they even solicited other family and friends in a poll to ask what they thought “kitties” was supposed to mean. Though it was painfully obvious that it did NOT mean a cute, fuzzy, feline animal. The hilarity went on for a solid forty-five minutes… I kid you not. It was a riot.
The fantastic conclusion to this story is that my mammographer freaking LOVED IT!! At my appointment, I told her all of the above, which she thought was hysterical. She actually wished it was a pin so she could wear it every day, and even wrote the following note in a thank you card saying, “Show me your kitties!! LOL!!!! See you and your kitties next year!” And now my silly cat sticker has the purrrrfect new home on the bulletin board in the exam room, where it is definitely appreciated!
So, I’m happy to say that my shenanigans this time around provided lots of amusement, and hopefully it continues to do so when folks see the sticker displayed at their next mammogram appointment.
PS: Please remember to check your “kitties” every month and get a mammogram each year. All jokes aside, it’s important. Breast cancer took a friend of mine when she was only 30 years old.
🙂
